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Tali's Tears
Author: justin benedict
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(Added on Nov 13, 2005)
(This month 55364 readers) (Total 70504 readers) |
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Tali's Master Fenton, decides to get a job! |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (6/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
nikita
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 19, 2005 |
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Justin, before I rated this story, I looked to see what else you've written and was surprised at the number of stories you've written, several with high scores. I'm not normally a 'hard' reviewer, in fact, sometimes my critques run along the 'wuss' side.
This story has so much potential. It has enough fodder to create a serial type story. But it looks like you wanted to jump through the scenes a paragraph at a time...leaving the reader with a 'gone home hungry after dinner out' feeling.
Shame! Please re-write it. I was sooo looking forward to full descriptions of at least ONE of the scenes, as a satisfying appetizer for more.
Finally, fire your proofreader.
I wish you could have gotten a higher score. If you resubmit it, please email me and I will be happy to review it again and adjust my rating accordingly.
(6/10)
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