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Happiness in slavery
Author: Tom of Sweden
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(Added on Sep 28, 2006)
(This month 44206 readers) (Total 70692 readers) |
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This is the story of a submissive woman trying to build a loving relationship with a very sadistic man. It’s the first part of a four part story I’ve recently finished writing. I’m going to wait with publishing the last three parts giving myself the possibility to tweak them depending on how well this gets received. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
ultimatesubbie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 20, 2007 |
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well written piece. Would love to see more! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
TomOfSweden
(Edit) (May 11, 2007)
- I'm sorry to say that it probably won't be more of this series. I wouldn't know what to write to keep it interesting. Though suggestions are always welcome.
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| Reviewer:
ThisGirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 3, 2007 |
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Overall, great job. I like the contrast between the extreme sweetness and the extreme harshness of the couple's relationship.
I enjoyed the internal look we get of the submissive's mind as she has her epiphany- I think the author almost grasps it, but does not give all parts of the psychological equation. I still needed more of this most intimate revelation, but I think it was a very good start.
I have to admit, after just the first part, my rating would have been lower because the story vacillates between wonderful romantic BDSM and emotionless porn, which I found empty, leaving me completely unfulfilled. However, upon reading further, I believe the author tells a good love story. I also enjoyed very much the master's perspective at the end. It confirmed his love for his sub that was shown in little bits and pieces here and there throughout the story. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
TomOfSweden
(Edit) (Mar 4, 2007)
- hey, what do you mean "almost grasps it"?
Just kidding. Considering I'm a dominant writing about a BDSM relationship from the slaves perspective, I feel almost is close enough. She's off-course likely to be idealised by me.
thanks for your kind words
- Replied by:
ThisGirl
(Edit) (Mar 6, 2007)
- TomofSweden, you bring up a very good point that your description of the sub's mind is not firsthand to you. I wasn't thinking about your standpoint as the author when I read it.
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| Reviewer:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 3, 2006 |
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Tom,
I did like your story, though I would like to know more about the characters. I will be interested in reading the next parts, as this is a good start. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
TomOfSweden
(Edit) (Oct 3, 2006)
- Not giving any information about them is a conscious choice, so you're out of luck on that one. I wrote it first with lots of back-story but I think it retracted from the story so I left it out. I'm well aware that it needs more emotional action going. I'll fix it.
Thanks for taking your time to review it.
- Replied by:
TomOfSweden
(Edit) (Oct 3, 2006)
- .
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| Reviewer:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 30, 2006 |
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Most of my comments are in the forums, and with a few tweaks I would give this a much higher rating: the quality of writing is there, just not the technical parts of a story. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
masterburke
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 29, 2006 |
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what a great story one of the best i have read ,I really enjoyed it especially the humiliation of the slave and the way you portrayed it. Fantasic!! I hope the next chapter is going to be as good as the first..(you cant please everyones taste) as other reviewers has shown .. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Barbara Anne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 29, 2006 |
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Acceptable, if only from lack of imagination, on the writers part. -Toms exercise in self centred imagination, leaves no space for describing the humiliation felt by his imaginary slave, despite having had ample opportunity to do so. In general the story lacked 'credibility', from the readers point of view! -Keep dreaming. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
MsUther
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 29, 2006 |
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What did you think of the story title and blurb? Did it tell you enough to pique your interest and want to read more?
-Both the title and the blurb picked my interest. I dont read many BDSM stories, so i couldn`t say how the title is compared to other BDSM titles, but I certaintly liked it.
The first few lines (paragraph) are vital to any story. Did this one "hook" you and make you want to keep reading?
-The first few lines gave me some trouble because of the language and the flow of the words. From the second sentence and through the whole first paragraph the sentences are long and a bit hard to grasp. I would like them to be sharper and more refined. To be easier to read.
Did this story contain enough detail about the characters looked like, for all you perverts out there, or would you have like more?
-I was just fine about the details. Having the little pressie at the end about her being blonde, was a neat little surprice :)
Were you able to clearly visualise what the characters were doing and what was happening?
-Apart from the beginning of the story, Yes i was. Eewww.... the gob! I actually had to read fast for a line or two after he had left the room.
The story contains no personal nouns. Did the use of "he" and "she" distance you from the characters, or did you feel it enhanced their sexuality?
-It didnt distance me, I didnt notice it enhance the sexuality either.
Did the author succeed in creating a strong feeling of dominance and submission?
-Yes, very much so. The plot and how the story unfolds is very interesting. Her submissiveness and low thoughts about herself sparked annoyed and offended feelings in me. I found myself wanting her to not feel so low about her self, and wishing for her to get some love from the Master. And that means I got engaged in the story, which is goody good.
One reviewer says it let him/her "felting flat". Why do you think this may have been?
-It is hard to read about someone feeling so little of themself, it might have had something to do with that. Your emotions gets challenged when confronted to this slave`s life.
And distancing might be an option. Or not.
It didnt leave me feeling flat, but it made me a little sad.
Finally, Tom's received good scores for this piece so far, but he's still chasing that illusive ten out of ten. So, if you could give him just one piece of advice, to improve his writing, what would it be?
-Since this is the first chapter, it will be interesting to see how the story continue. This is just a build up, and I`m not sure there should be more ... action. For now. But if the story doesnt peak somehow, I will get disapointed, I think. I`m sorry, this was not very clear.
What I would like to see improved is the first few paragraphs. I struggled through them, and if it wasn`t for the fact that I`ve seen Toms posts at the forum and that Alex most kindly asked for a rewiew, I would have dropped the story at that point.
What I also would like to say is that as the story went along, the flow got much better, and i didn`t have to re read lines and words to get the meaning.
I`m looking forward to your next chapter, TomOfSweden. Good luck in writing and thanks for sharing this with us :)
And if you now rant at me in forums, I will know that not only have you had a domestic argument but maybe also found my rewiew very out of hand ;)
(7/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 29, 2006 |
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Overall this is a good beginning. The entire reason I gave this only a "7" is that the tale left me a little flat. There didn't seem to be much emotion to this tale and I felt completely disconncected from the characters. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2006 |
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great start (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
dennisthmn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2006 |
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I hope yor next chapter will be as good. (9/10)
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