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The Quest For Jasmine
Author: Bdsmaster
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(Added on Dec 22, 2007)
(This month 62889 readers) (Total 87515 readers) |
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This story is about Glenn and Jasmine and how they found each other in the most unlikely way. Lots of hardcore bdsm and sex. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Headhunteras19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2007 |
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The idea is good, and the story line has promise, but the poor writing quality overcomes all that. Example: Why would Glenn's black captors throw him into a cul-de-sac, when they have him at the door of the house and intend to take him inside? (2/10)
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- Replied by:
klintan100
(Edit) (Apr 9, 2010)
- huhurhqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 28, 2007 |
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You certainly have your work cut out for you. It's an ambitious plan for a story that seems prepared to include every aspect of BDSM, all in one coherent thread. Best of luck with that! I will be checking in to see how you're doing and my rating may rise as you proceed.
A few things about the writing, you have a few problems with verb tenses, rereading it or reading it aloud will help you catch them. Many writers like to have a characters speech, (the stuff in quotes) start a new paragraph; and then change paragraphs when a new person talks. This just makes it easier for a reader to follow a conversation. Interestingly it makes it easier for the writer to convey a snappy verbal exchange without confusing the reader as well. Just a couple of suggestions
Yours
Mad Lews (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 23, 2007 |
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nice story, love those that mix almost all the BDSM elements into one story, good job (8/10)
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